A vital conversation for your everyday life.

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me: yo
i just left you a fb message
whatup?
you: hi!
ooh
mmm...not a lot
me: m not a lot with me either
you: so we found a marxist bar today
me: oh yeah,
you: its my new favorite place in santiago
me: how's it a marxist bar?
you: its the one juliana told me about...i love it!
well...it was started with the intention of being a space to talk about alternative politics in santiago
you: and there are unidad popular (salvador allende's party) posters, and chavez posters, and pictures of che and fidel castro and famous protest songwriters (like silvio rodriguez, who's great) and writing all over the walls
and they have free dance classes
different kind of dance every night
me: oh wow
that is indeed very cool
you: yep
i want to bring it to vassar
me: hahaha, i'd say impossible
you: yeah, a little
me: people are either too hipster or too indifferent
you: yeah
but i think there could be a place
like, everyone who went to parties at t and r's house
maybe our house should be like that
just cause :)
me: hahahaha
perhaps
but there's time to come dear.
in a year we'll decide
you: yes :)
there's always time to come
i mean, i'm not communist by any means
me: i know
you: but it is a great bar :)
me: yep
me: so it's 2 am here
you: that's a little late
or early
me: i was out with these two guys,
and one made me realize how i forgot about the potential of the youth in turkey
he's involved with this youth awareness project that functions turkey wise. and i remembered my scouting days, when teenagers were still very much aware of and eager to change.
i seem to deny people agency.
oh my
you: yeah
i think its really easy to become cynical though
me: oh yes, incredibly easy
you: its very interesting to be here, in the context of university
the students are very politically active, and there have been a lot of protests this year
me: yeah?
you: we were walking around one of the campuses with some students (for orientation stuff), and they pointed out the best exit in case there were protests on campus and the police came in
me: see, that's so different from vassar
you: and there's graffiti with political slogans all over
me: oh wow
you: i know!
its so so different
and very hopeful in some ways
though i'm also morally torn about how much i would participate in a protest (assuming i understand the issues well, and its recognizable solidarity, and all of that)
i mean, i wouldn't do so unless it felt right intellectually
you: but if it did feel right, the thing is that they do sometimes get out of hand a little, and if anything happened (ie i got arrested...which won't happen but there's always a chance, since there is very little state tolerance), i get deported
so its a difficult question
in sooooo many ways
but its also really interesting to see how active people are
me: yes..
these are the exact same thoughts i had about protests in the states
but then the thing is,
protests require large amounts of people
and to gather large amounts of people requires simple or general ideas people can all agree with
or be motivated by
and i find these general ideas impossible for me to adopt, most of the time
you: that's true
me: duuuude
you: but not always
me: we should be writing these in the blog.
i'll do that first thing in the morning=)
since i haven't written
you: i mean, everyone has more complicated ideas than just those that can be articulated on posters
hahaha...we should
maybe we should just copy and paste this conversation :)
me: well, yes..but i'm not talking about the posters.
oh yeah, let's
hahaha
i'll do it, ok=)
now even.
but, to go back to the topic,
i don't mean the ideas on the posters
you: i know you arent'
but its an example
me: i'm talking about a simple idea that acts as an umbrella to most people's let's say leftist beliefs instead of giving them opportunity to express the differences within this system of beliefs more specifically and immaculately
for example,
here there are so many people from 2 generations ago
you: oh i know exactly what you mean
me: who have gone through lifetimes of protests and struggles
for political ideas,
and now when they speak about it,
it's all void of one concrete ideal.
and i find that this is the problem most of the time
you: void of a concrete ideal?
me: something tangible people are striving for.
i don't mean to dismiss their efforts.
you: ah
yeah
but its difficult to find something tangible, since ideology isn't tangible
me: i just mean that most of these people just join the struggle because it's better than not having an opinion.
you: i mean, i agree
me: or they want to fight or something.
you: i think its a natural reaction to the awful things we see in the world
me: or just like the supporters of any ism, they're too reluctant to see the other side of things
yes yes, i agree
you: nobody is completely passive to seeing the world's suffering
me: it's natural.
i just wish there was a way people could express -and be listened to- more seriously
you: but i also think that we do have larger ideals that we can hold in solidarity with other people, even if we don't all understand the complexity of a problem in the same way
oh, absolutely
i wish that too
me: yes, and that is why in multi party governments, it's always better to have two parties against each other than have votes divided up.
also,
you: meaning?
me: meaning, if you have 5 democrat parties and 1 republican, then republican party is of advantage because democrats vote to those 5 parties and divide up the number of their votes
you: that's true...but it also means that more diversity of opinion can be expressed within the democrats
me: yes, but nothing comes out of it, since they don't get elected.
you: and that makes it a whole lot more competitive, and encourages (or necessitates) coalitions
but coalition govts?
i mean, i think that a multi-party system is really important, and perhaps more democratic than a bi-party system
it allows a lot more room for political discourse
me: yes, definitely. i don't have a solution for this, unfortunately.
you: yeah...that's my problem with everything
me: but then a thousand parties with slightly different visions and missions is not feasible
you: i mean, if you look at the US system, its terrible!
well yeah
that too
that's why i think that we need democracy to be a lot more grassroots
me: yes.
by the way i'm writing it here so that i won'
t forget
you: instead of having parties define their ideology and then impose a choice on the people, we should be able to organically produce solutions
me: kurds-fanon. something i'll write about later.
you: okay
haha...okay
me: yes, i agree..but then in a way people do organically produce solutions. after all the people who do govern parties are part of the regular folk..or have been.
me: ok kid.
i must leave.
sleep awaits.
love declares.
boring people.
all over.
security guards smack of redundancy.
and i still miss.
love love.
you: yeah
love love back
sleep well
me: you too, eventually.
say hello/hola to santiago para mi.
correct?
you: si, po
(po is another chilean word :))

More Windows

Traveling, in its basic kinetic definition, is space for reflection and time to reorient and recollect our fragmented, stretched out, and conflicted selves, a space for the collection and regrounding of our thoughts and souls. Or at least, mine. That’s why windows are useful – they give us a space between the concrete world of the train (or car or boat or plane) and that of equally material Outside. I like to think that my self recollects itself most easily somewhere in the vicinity of my gaze and the space in the stillness between the movements of opposing but parallel concrete worlds.

Incidentally, my first sight of Chile was through the airplane window, which I serendipitously opened just as the sun was rising over the (currently very very snowy) Andes. Me encanta.

to serve

Changing people’s worlds, a conversation we’ve had, e, for a long time now, isn’t simply to modify their behaviour as you desire it. To me, changing the world is not necessarily to make them think more for the sake of thinking, but to make them think more such that more positive changes (this word again!) can happen in the world. I think this desire comes from the fact that a) people are, as you say, naturally empathetic, and b), that this is a way of reconciling the contradictions and sufferings and injustices we see in our world. For me, a lot of that is knowledge that I’ve been afforded the privileges that I have. The fact that so many people haven’t, and will never, even have the option of dreaming about these privileges, and that I can see this fact every day, is what gives me the will and desire to attempt to change people’s lives. Ultimately, that change, if its true, will only happen (or be effective) through the agency of the recipient. So we’re not trying to change people’s lives, necessarily. That would be arrogant. To me, we’re changing opportunities, and in doing so, attempting to reconcile our world’s enormous inequalities. Also, its not about simply changing the lives of individuals, its about changing the way the system that we have created functions. Since we're all part of the system, we're all culpable for its flaws. So perhaps its also a responsibility. Being apathetic, or choosing not to do something, is still a choice, and therefore an action.

that other monotheistic religion

This impartial relationship towards Islam, a fruit of the occident’s double life, has never found its equivalent in my relationship with the occident’s other, more pervasive ideology, perhaps because I’ve always, intentionally or not, been somewhat immersed in it. The other day, I went to church with my family. This is not normal, but not abnormal either…though my current ideological differences with organized religion, Christianity in particular I suppose because it is what I know, have become too great for me to claim faith in any god who’s named, even just in part, Jesus, it’s a social thing, and familial traditions have always pulled stronger than non-attendance for ideological motives. Its not that disagreement and criticism is banned, oh no, quite the opposite, but church to my family has always been considered a learning experience. A sort of impartial curiosity that isn’t impartial at all, since how can the product of an ideology be impartial to it? So I went.

The interesting part was that I finally really hit upon, or perhaps found words for, the biggest reason that I am so ideologically, (and gut-feelingly), not Christian. The pastor gave his sermon on a parable that is at first so so wrong sounding, so sickening in so many ways, and so (at first) demonstrative of the exclusivity I find terribly frustrating and contradictory to a religion which the main tenent is “God is love.” Or supposedly. But the sermon interpreted it in a way that made so much sense to me, one which I ended up finding myself being quite willing to embrace. My mother turned to me and whispered, “I wish we could send this to George Bush and convince him not to attack Iran.” How my mother. But then I realized - the reason I have such a gut opposition to the Christianity that I’ve experienced is not because there are parables and verses that I fundamentally disagree with. Because they can, by intelligent, kind-hearted pastors and people, be interpreted, logically, in ways that I fundamentally agree with. More, it’s the fact that there is so much, like this parable, that can be so easily interpreted in the most destructive and exclusive ways. That it’s easier and more natural (even and especially for me, being the critical person I am) to make these negative interpretations is what really disturbs me. How could a god perpetuate so much suffering in the world simply by relating his/her word in a way that, being omniscient, he/she would obviously know would be grossly misinterpreted to be exactly the opposite of loving? This I do not understand.

Do you look out the window?

i met with a friend the other day. to me, he used to exist only in letters. after our several hours long conversation, i found myself repeating some things in my head, and arguing to myself in the bus ride back home. here are some things i'd like you to know as well. he said he was a hardcore capitalist. i didn't question what this meant, and just took his word for it. he asked me, what different it makes to have changed someone else's world, when i told him becoming a university professor may be my future. a lot of the time, i am tempted by this style of thinking. it really doesn't matter, does it? but then there's also this feeling i get when i am aware of injustice happening and i choose to ignore (we all do it, all the time). but i decided that it's the same drive that urges one to help people, as the drive that makes someone cover a scantily clad person sleeping in the cold. my mom always tells me she gets shivers when she sees me with insufficient amount of layers in the winter. isn't it the same wish then, to educate people so that they'll spend as much time thinking about things? or that they'll get pleasure out of creating something?

my thoughts seem to float in my head, and i need/like lists to put them together. we have talked about this with t. a little bit: how when you're asked a question, sometimes you think of everything but the answer, just because you're not really trying to think and thoughts float around in your head. this is why lists are pleasing to me.

to go back to the conversation with my friend of letters. i said i enjoy writing, he said he doesn't enjoy anything even similar to creating, but devouring the creations of other people. and i tried to tell him how excited it makes me to create fiction. then somehow, we started talking about how he doesn't enjoy talking to people for long periods of time, but reads a lot. i wondered, on the way back home, why are people so boring, but books that tell people's stories not. surely, someone gets pleasure out of creating such fictitious worlds. he also seemed a bit surprised when i said, someone has to create for him to enjoy these works of art etc.

finally, he said he was amazed at how people can just sit in a bus/ferry/any sort of public transportation and look out the window, with music in their headphones, but wiht no book to read. i said i enjoy the ferry rides, i don't read on them. and on the way back, i was looking out the window, with il visconte dimezzato on my lap. i thought, for instance, i need to watch things, to have something to write about and this must be the case for any other writer/artist/musician/sculptor etc. i thought, you can't get material solely from the books you read, one should look out the window as well.

do you ride the bus? do you look out the window, when you do?

Le Double Vie de l'Occident

so the occident has a double life. until i have been there, lived there, absorbed the words of the people there, i had been educated in the style of an occident so different from the real one. i'm not sure if it was teenage angst or the ease with which one can deny things, but i, like many of my friends, denied islam any agency. then i slid into another life, where i learned the other face of the occcident (or is it only my school?) and i've been interested in learning about islam, reading arabic, knowing more and more about what could be called the mystical roots of my country, not to conclude that this religion deserves complete belief - it may, for some- but because it's interesting, and it doens't have many objective, curious, enthusiastic students. i have a friend who studied in England. he has a "verses from the Qur'an" application in his facebook. i am certain that the impression of such a thing would be much different if he hadn't been educated in te UK. so, as we move, we exchange our definitions of east and west finally to end up in a nameless location; purgatory in between a non heaven and non hell. for some reason, this placelessness is comforting to me.

l'eternita

does it ever happen to you that you realize you can't remember some books you've read. i once read a book called the perks of being a wallflower. now i have no idea what it was about. how pressuring when there are millions and millions of books i still must read...

one wonders

headscarf, headscarf. now, the smaller branches of our precious governing party have started to give women with headscarves money to go shop in incredibly expensive fashion stores in istanbul, just so they can be seen in these shops. i don't know what to think about this. it's not only obama that's been chewing up the word "change" and spitting it out in different forms, at different times, but here, both the left and the right wings have been telling us they represent change. if only intentions had colors, and let's say yellow meant feigning beliefs...half the people in the world would walk around like yellow highlighters. i have been seeing more covered women walking with men in shorts and t-shirts besides them. even though i wholeheartedly think that labeling policies on clothes is nothing but oppressive in and of itself, i am also upset that physically, it's a one sided burden under this blazing summer sun.

Drawbacks of living alone

there's a huge chunk of cheese in the fridge. it's as long and three times as thick as my lower arm, i'd say. and there used to be another block of cheese, (the same kind of cheese, i must specify)and this one was about the size of an eraser. i have been living alone for 10 days, d, and you know how much i like cheese. i just finished the smaller block. just so you know.

B&W

a couple in berlin had twin boys, one black, one white. this is all good so far, i even like the idea that they're brothers and they'll probably/hopefully have equally happy lives. however, the funny thing is that, a soccer team in turkey called besiktas offered them lots of paraphernalia because the team's colors are black and white. apparently, the family is invited to a besiktas game, provided with baby supplies with besiktas logos on them, and even given financial support. i find it interesting how i laugh the most when i'm watching the news on television.

pointless

we just spoke on the phone, and i am fascinated by how discreet and natural it's been for some people to become habits in my life. i am eating hazelnut cream. i'd like to say peanut butter but this is different. have you ever had it? the other day, at a cafe i was waiting for my childhood friend in(her close friend had died four days ago, to me you're alive forever, d. i can't imagine anything else) a man and a woman sat at the table next to mine. i was reading my "il visconte dimezzato" when i unintentionally started eavesdropping on their conversation. they were on a 21st century style blind date. the man asked "how did you find me?' the woman answered 'as i expected.now you should ask me what i expected. you're you, just as you spoke.' then i couldn't listen anymore, my friend came.

Untitled, like the paper you're trying to write

A different you, a you sitting in that oh so gorgeous library across from the you in the previous post, writes a different paper, for a professor notoriously bad at helping students come up with paper topics. This one’s about politics, and Africa. The topic chosen, as you tend to choose, is borders. You secretly (or maybe not so secretly) think that borders are just about the most important thing in the world, and enjoy using phrases like “socio-spatial relationships” to convey the ever important concepts that you are presenting to the world, or perhaps only your professor.

You have an implicit understanding that the complicated and hierarchical and unequal power relationships that characterize capitalism and globalization occur across, within, in the space between, and, most significantly, because of borders. You silently think that this is what the other you should write in her paper.

You also drink too much coffee, and enjoy taking your shoes off under the table, listening to loud dancey 80s music, and tapping your feet secretly while you pretend to read something profound on your computer screen in the desperate hope that this façade will actually produce coherent thoughts.

You really want to go outside. You take another sip of coffee, and look out the window.

Your mind wanders to the violence about which you are writing. Identity is such an important thing, so capable of making people destroy each other. Randomly, you begin to ponder a whole other aspect of identity, away from ethnicity and citizenship, to journals. Maybe (and this is you justifying your procrastination), journals offer a representation of identity. (?) or maybe not. At all. But the conversation you had the other night was rather interesting.

You had always wanted to talk to this particular professor. Probably because of his amazing beard. People with long white beards exude the air of being interesting to talk to. Anyways, the conversation was about journals. More specifically, reading other people’s journals. A journal, in some sense, is a way of representing oneself to oneself. You’ve never felt that your journal entries were faithful to what you were actually feeling and thinking at the time, they sound, to your ears, rather contrived. As if there is a boundary between your self and your words. So if someone, hypothetically decided to transcribe your journal after your death and fame, what would they know of you and your self? Is a journal any truer than a conversation with a person who knows you well? You suppose it depends.

Maybe everything does come down to borders after all.

Too Much Coffee

Ben Harper in your ear, a blank word document and you’re thinking about globalization. Second year in college is enough experience for you to refuse all of the seven paper topics your professor offered you so you choose your own and it all leads up to the same conclusion that capitalism sucks. But no, here you are sitting in possibly the most gorgeous library in the world thinking and thinking a bit more about globalization in relation to sex, race, area, the orient, the occident, borders, nation-states and wealth. It gets more and more difficult to write a paper on a specific point of focus because thoughts aren’t organized in categories in your head and answers just lead to more questions. Then you decide that perhaps Jose Gonzalez is a better music choice for your current mood.

Your argument is that globalization, due to the fact that the reason for its primary existence is international trade, depends on capitalism. Capitalism is structured on different socio-economic classes. So third-world cultures become lower classes and the first world adopts the arrogance of the bourgeoisie. Then you decide that you know, for sure, that this west-centered economic and cultural process of globalization causes tons and tons of problems. Now you need to find a way to develop your argument and you have all the resources you need. But instead you express your frustration and discuss these issues with your friends. One says globalization is good for the poor and another states that the upper-class just becomes one universal layer of identical outfits, hand gestures and all sorts of other tastes.

No, thoughts aren’t confined to digital sheets or notebooks. They are ubiquitous in your life and you need to be awake to organize these thoughts into clearer frames. So you end up drinking too much coffee and wonder why two medium size cups of coffee consumed in the last one and a half hour are not enough to chase away your insistent sleepiness..

First Post

Hello hello,
We are two Vassar College students who care and think about a wide range of things. From issues in the US Mexico Border to the problems language causes for post-colonial writers who wish to "write back," from making maps to writing stories about afterlife, our minds are constantly busy questioning this or that issue. Therefore we decided to create this blog to be publicly in dialog with each other. We also have a secret aim in this, which is to make our thoughts clearer in our heads by writing them out.

Hope you enjoy!